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I pretend for 1/2 of a day that I can be Rachel... (by Dan)

I took sort of a random day off today. It wasn't anyone's birthday (watching kids blow out candles is always funny), I wasn't getting a tattoo (bummer) and Rachel and I weren't going on a two-day getaway in an exotic location (quadruple bummer).

Instead, as fate had it there was a doctor's appointment for Evie, a pre-kindergarten eye exam for Jude and haircuts for the older kids. I was walking in Rachel's shoes.

Here's how my afternoon went--color coded so you can sort of sense how things felt:

12:00 Evie and I go to the doctor for a routine baby thing.

12:30 We arrive. I haven't eaten and Evie has missed her nap.

1:30 We finally see the doctor 45 minutes after the appointment time. Everything is fine and we head home.

2:20 I swap out Evie for the two older kids (Rachel did some volunteer postpartum Doula work today) while a visiting friend watched Evie.

2:40 Jude, Indi and I arrived at the eye doctor.

3:15 We finally see the doctor...30 minutes late. I consider sending her a bill for the lost 30 minutes of my life. I'm sorry, but an edition of Golf Magazine from 2008 is not adequate compensation.

3:45 We are done and leave. Darn, forgot to leave instructions to have the eye doc fax results to the Pediatrician. Head back, unload the crew and we walk back in, get squared away and head to get the two older kids "before school hair cuts".

3:50 Start driving to the hair cutting place when work calls. I have a quick conversation with HR about an job offer I'm extending to someone.

3:55 They call back with one more question.

4:10 We arrive at kids' hair cutting place and it smells like some kid dropped a deuce in the corner. I look around. No evidence of said poop exists. I chew gum to keep from gagging.

5:15 We're done, and we leave to get takeout for dinner. I sit at the bar of a sushi place and have a beer while the kids have a sprite as we wait for our food. The bartender starts to tell me they can't sit at the bar. I insist they are 21. She leaves us alone, sensing a nervous breakdown.

6:15 I arrive home. People eat (I ordered the wrong thing for a few people, but tummies are full).

I have come to a few conclusions:
  1. Moms need an executive assistant.
  2. They also need a few good staff members to delegate things to.
  3. People should pretty much snap to attention when they come into the room.
  4. Anyone who keeps a Mom waiting for 30 minutes for no good reason whatsoever should get fired... or at least get a verbal warning.
  5. Oh, and they need a chef. I got away with not feeding the kids all their meals by prying them with "hey guys, I know you're hungry but how about some Sprite!" That worked for a few hours.
  6. Husbands... Suck it up. You've got it pretty easy.... that goes doubly for me because I have pretty much all of the aforementioned luxuries / tools at my disposal at work.
You deserve a vacation, baby.

I love you and I'm in awe of you.



  1. Dan you get Husband of the year award for being aware and being willing to admit that being a SAHM is the toughest job in the world and the most important!!!

  2. SO TRUE.....I knew I liked you, Dan!

    Rachel- you are aweosme....everyone who reads this blogs already knows that! ;)

  3. Too funny! Love it...enough to read it to the hubs! Go, Dan, go! And Rachel? You are a rock star mom.

  4. this made me howl!

    not the least of which because my son, now 15, once "dropped a deuce" in the corner of a barber shop while his dad was getting a haircut. he was in training and it just fell out of his shorts. barber was NOT happy.

    from that point on we called it the "poopy barber" and we could never go back there!

  5. Awesome! I think my husband agrees with you on all counts, Dan! He does NOT want to trade jobs with me! He, like you, acknowledges all the hard work moms do, and that means A LOT!


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